Damned If I Do, Damned If I Don't
by DCheree
Summary: Caitlin Tremmer is an American girl on the road to Nottingham, running from her dark past in Nevada. When she meets the mysterious Dean  Dean Dobbs, OMFGIt'sJackAndDean , she starts to wonder if things are changing. Then again, how can she trust anyone?
1. Well dressed trash

I was used to the stares.

Coming from America, I was used to getting stared at here in England for my accent. I was used to getting stared at for my hair- dark brown, hipster as hell and tipped red down my entire front fringe. I was sued to the stares for my clothes, for my black framed glasses, for my cold stare that I gave everyone who stared too long. Stares after my show, before. Stares from passing "class act citizens" who were convinced I was a prostitute of some sort waiting out the front of my show with my non-tobacco cigarettes. (I was a former smoker and drug addict; it was my way of recovering)  
>I was used to getting stares for my lip piercings, my devil-may-care smirk, my terrible humour and good, happy attitude despite my looks and past.<p>

But this was a whole other kind of staring.

It was like I could _feel_ a pair of eyes burning in to me, as I walked across the crowded room towards America.

America Tanner was the most _ironic_ person I knew.  
>She was canadia-british, despite her suggestive and kick-<strong>a<strong>ss name, and my best friend. Her accent was a mix of American and British, due to her weird a**s**s family.  
>America had chin length short black hair with a blue tip down the front, and snake bites in her lip that I'd always been jealous of. I wasn't a wimp or anything; I'd just never gotten around to getting anything rather than a normal black lip piercing.<p>

"Hey," She said, and offered me a drink. I shook my head.  
>"I'm sober tonight." I told her, rolling my eyes, and she laughed.<br>"Since when? You know what, never mind. I don't wanna know, Caitlin. And hey, who said I was getting drunk? I'm just having one...or two. I'm thirsty." She beamed at me.

I shoved my hands in to my pockets, and pat them.  
>"Ah, Jesus," I muttered. "It's been almost, what- a year? And I'm still having the cravings. America why am I still having the cravings?"<br>She rolled her eyes. "Hey, I am too, calm down, Caitlin. Go have another one of those substitute non-tobacco whatcha-ma-call-its."  
>I rolled my eyes. "I'm out. We have to get more...ah, but later. Now we shall go <em>man<em> hunting!" I exclaimed, and America laughed.  
>"Ah, so many choices." She mused, and I grimaced.<br>"Yeah, but I'll bet half of these guys are looking for the exact same thing you are, America?"  
>She scrunched up her nose. "And what's so wrong with that?"<br>"Some of us are looking for a long term _relationship_." I muttered.  
>"Some of us are insane." She mused, taking another sip and setting down her drink before pointing to a guy across the room.<br>"That one." She said, and set off.  
>I grinned and shook my head after her.<p>

America was one crazy b**i**tch. She was poorly raised, I supposed, like I had been, not that that was a valid excuse anymore, I being an upstanding citizen of society.

I turned to watch the previous band go off stage while the people around them clapped, and the next band, "B**a**stard Cat", or something.

They came on, and I wasn't really looking so much at them as I was my feet before the music started.

Something about the beat of the song got me looking up though, and brought goose bumps to my skin. For some reason my eyes fell on the drummer, noticing his perfect rhythm and crucial beat to the song.  
>And he was <em>cute<em>.  
>Dark hair and lots of it, right now covering his bent head, as he was very focused on drumming.<br>He was wearing jeans, a black shirt, and a beanie.  
>He only looked up once, and when he did, I felt my heart thump violently.<p>

Now, I was used to good looking guys, but not like this. Not guys who's very _souls_ seemed to be crying out in angelic beauty...or maybe it was just his fantastic hair. Yeah, that was it.

America suddenly appeared at me side, drenched in vodka.  
>I couldn't help but burst out laughing, and she sniffed.<br>"Turns out he had a girlfriend," She said, and gave a rather delicate snort. "Jealous little b**i**tch."  
>She suddenly noticed the now thanking and bowing band, and grinned.<br>"Are you staring?" She accused me, and at that moment the good looking drummer decided to look up and meet my gaze. I instantly looked away, blushing, and told her no.  
>"Hmm, he's cute," She mused.<br>"Is he?" I asked, but I was already starting to sort of hyperventilate. The last time...last time I had gotten close to someone...oh god I was starting again...  
>"Yep," She said, cutting off my thoughts. "And you clearly don't seem interested, so...If you don't mind, I believe I call shot gun on this one."<p>

I tensed, and froze.

No, not the drummer. He seemed much too respectable to fall prey to someone like America. No, it wasn't fair. She would _ruin_ him.

"Uhh...no." I said, and she raised an eyebrow. "No?"  
>I nodded. "No."<br>America folded her arms. "Why, 'no'?"  
>I sighed. "No, as in, no more tonight. We should go home."<br>America poked out her tongue. "Well, _I'll_ go home, if you do me a favour,"

I nodded, and she continued.

"Stay here and do something _fun_."

I rolled my eyes and nodded anyway, deciding I'd just go home when she was gone, regardless of how mad and disappointed I'm sure she'd been. We'd only been in Nottingham three days, and already she was wiping out the male population.

As soon as she left, I ordered a drink, and skulled most of it, setting it down and scowling at the reflection in the empty glass. I was supposed to come here to _recover_. America wasn't much help.

I skulled two or three more drinks after that, one after the other.

"Hey," Said a voice by my ear.  
>It would have made me jump if not for how warm the breath was, and the goose bumps it left on my skin.<br>I glanced up, my breath catching in my throat for a second, my heart thumping. I felt undeserving, and disgusting, under his glare.

"Hey." I said, and smiled.  
>He didn't smile, and instead looked frustrated. HIs brows pulled together.<br>"Get up." He said, and my smiled dropped.  
>"I'm sorry, what?"<br>"Get up." He said again, and held out a hand as if I might not know what they was. He had a British accent that suggested he was locally from Nottingham, and it was incredibly cute, but somehow muffled, as his face was shifting and jumping.

"Are you drunk?" He asked, and a part of me was ashamed. The other part was p**i**ssed off.  
>"What? Of course not! I'm <em>sober<em> tonight, thank you. I'm not an alcoholic."  
>"I didn't call you one," He said, voice flat, and extended his hand further, helping me up.<br>I wobbled on my legs, and everything shook and blurred.  
>I didn't want to admit it to this guy, but yes, I was very drunk.<p>

"Do you have a ride?" He asked, and I thought.  
>"I have," I paused to hiccup. "I have a car."<br>He grimaced. "Alright," He said, nodding. "Come on, you can come with me."

"What? I most certainly cannot!" My voice was slightly slurred, but it still packed my naturally clear and forceful speech.  
>"I'll carry you if I have to." He muttered, and put one of my arms around his neck, helping me out to his car.<p>

"What's your name?" He asked me in a grunt, helping me sit down. I whacked his hand away and did up my own seat belt.  
>"Caitlin." I said firmly, glaring. He glared back, but held out a hand nonetheless.<br>"Dean." He said, and then shook my hand shortly before going around to the other side of his car to drive me wherever.

"You don't even know where I live." I accused him, my eyes shutting as I settled back in to his warm car.

It smelled like him, I noted, though God knows how I knew _that_.  
>Mint, after shave- warm and homey, crisp, fresh.<p>

"Don't need to." He muttered. "Now, go to sleep, Caitlin."  
>I frowned. "Don't be silly," I yawned. "I'm not going to sleep while I'm in the car with you..."<p>

And then I fell asleep.


	2. Never woken up here before

I woke up with a headache.

Normally- as I had spent a year as an addict- I was used to waking up hung over, but when that happened, I was usually in one of two situations: On a lumpy, crappy single bed with a pair of disgusting, sweaty arms around me (Jed's), or on the couch at America's, too scared to walk in to her room less she had a 'guest' over.

But right now I was in neither of those situations...and I was _comfortable_.

I wasn't on a couch, or a crappy pull out bed.

I was in a huge, warm, comfy, double bed.

And it wasn't mine.

My eyes shot open, and I assessed the situation, thinking, as carefully as I could, back to last night. It was all coming back, though the memory was hazed with alcohol.  
>The drummer...what had his name been?<p>

Dean...

I sat up in the bed, and instantly grabbed my head, wincing.  
>Everything was thumping, beating like a hammer on clog.<br>I looked around the room, frowning.

Where the _hell_ was I?

The large bed had on it a black cover, and the rest of the room was like that of any standard bedroom- photo frames, note board, little furniture, and laptop and iPod on a small desk.

I slowly pulled myself from the bed, still dressed in my jeans and white tee.  
>I pulled the bed cover over and smoothed it out as best as I could, and slowly poked my head out the bedroom door.<p>

The view I looked out on was a short corridor.  
>I slipped out and promptly closed the door behind me, thinking back to if I had brought anything with me. My phone was still in my pocket. Good.<p>

I tiptoed down the hallway and found the front of the house, next to the living room, and couldn't help but glance at the man asleep on the couch.  
>Dean's face was peaceful, though a slight frown disturbed his face.<br>He was somehow even still gorgeous while sleeping- it was okay to say that, wasn't it? Seeing as how I wasn't ever going to see him again...

I thought about America. About how if I were her, and in this situation, I would probably take some of my "victim's" money and get the hell outta here. But Dean wasn't my victim. I hadn't slept with him. And I wasn't that girl anymore.

So instead I bent down slowly and pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek.  
>"I'm sorry I'll never get to see you again," I whispered. "Because you're really nice. Thank you for helping me...and I really am sorry that I'll never see you again. It's safer that way, anyhow. For you <em>and<em> me. Good bye, Dean."

I sniffed at myself for being so cheesy and emotional, and quietly slipped out the front door, dialling America's number once I was a good distance from the house and found where I was.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
>DEAN P.O.V<p>

I dreamt about her.

About the gorgeous, mysterious girl.

I saw her dancing again; saw her nodding her head to _my_ music.  
>I saw her smoking- a disgusting habit, but I loved her anyway.<br>I heard her laughing- that beautiful, free laugh she laughed with that friend of hers.  
>Heard her telling that same friend not to 'have' me.<br>Saw her sleeping.  
>Felt her in my arms as I carried her back from the car and set her in my bed gently.<p>

Those things had happened- though I doubted they'd ever happen again.

I dreamt that she was kissing my cheek, telling me goodbye, sniffling, leaving.  
>That hurt, but I was sure that she was still asleep.<p>

Then I woke up.

I shot up like a bullet, and looked around the room, smoothing my hair incase the angel known as Caitlin had decided to get up early.

But there was no Caitlin.

It left a sting in my chest, especially when I saw that she was gone for good.

I had never, _ever_ believed in love at first sight.

But after seeing her- three times in a row- last night, I wasn't so sure. It wasn't even that she was beautiful- which she was.  
>It wasn't just her hair, her lips, her eyes.<br>It wasn't even her laugh, smile, or the way I was sure she wasn't one of "those" girls.

It was just something about _her_.

The way she danced, the way she talked. The way she moved, walked.  
>The intensity of her eyes as they regarded everyone else in the room as insignificant before the real world.<br>She mumbled in her sleep, too- cute mumbles, mumbles about pain and burning, heart break, yearning. She seemed sad...but better, somehow.

God, I was going crazy.

I sat down on my bed, head in hands.

And now I was never going to see her again.  
>Never would I feel her lips one mine- something I contemplated many times last night while she was unconscious.<br>Never again would I hear her laugh, smell her hair as she rested her head unknowingly on my shoulder while I drove.

I lay down, and could smell her hair on the pillow. I smiled. I wished she were here...and at that moment I felt the tiny, tiny lump under the sheets, by my thigh.

I reached under, and pulled out the small credit card. I tipped back my head and let out a laugh, grinning.

**Caitlin Amanda Tremmer**

"Caitlin Amanda Tremmer." I repeated out loud, musing at how good even her name felt on my lips.

I would find this girl.


	3. The Hunt

"And you _didn't_ sle**e**p with him?" America exclaimed, clearly outraged and shocked. I nodded once again. "Yes, that's right."

She pursed her lips. "And he didn't c**o**me on to you in the _least_ sense?"

I threw up my hands in exasperation. "God, America, not everyone is so _d__**i**__rty_ like you! No, he didn't come on to me- and like I said, I was unconscious. I don't think he like me anyway, he was just being friendly..."

America groaned. "Don't you _see_, Caitlin, this is perfect! It's just so _tragic_! And now, you'll never see him again. How refreshingly original." She rolled her eyes, and I frowned. "Hey, I didn't write my love life, okay?"

Quick as lightning, America spun around. "You said love life!" She said, and I instantly regretted opening my mouth. "You said _love_ life! Oh my God, you're in love with Dean!"

"Shh!" I hissed fiercely.  
>"D<strong>a<strong>mn it, America! Do you want all of Nottingham to know?"

America laughed. "Oh, this is just _perfect_, Caitlin. We haven't been here for a _week_ and already you're in love with a complete stranger!"

"Hey, at least I'm not hitting on anything with a pulse!" I snapped, and we both fell silent. America and I were used to heated arguments like this, and the aftermath wasn't always pretty.

"Do you really think I won't ever see him again?"  
>"Why do you care so much?"<p>

I bit down on my lip. "I don't know. He just seemed...different. Like...like I dunno, like maybe he'd understand or something."  
>"So it wasn't his hair." America said sarcastically, rolling her eyes.<br>"Oh no, his hair was great too." I said, grinning.  
>America smiled. "Sure is a shame you'd never get to tell him anything."<br>I glanced up. "Well..."  
>"Oh God, no, Caitlin, you didn't!" She exclaimed in a hushed tone. "You promised! You promise we'd never tell!"<br>"I didn't!"I hissed back. "I didn't tell him anything. I won't. I remember the promise, America. It's kinda hard to ignore. So don't stress, girl."

She breathed out, and slowly nodded. "Kay."

Suddenly our door bell rang, and I went to get it, setting down the brush I had previously been using to smooth out my hair.

I opened it, and promptly slammed it shut with a start, crying out.

"What?" America asked, shocked at my sudden reaction.

"It's him!" I hissed in a whisper.  
>"Who?"<br>"Dean!"  
>"Oh!"<p>

America got the hint and looked down at my sweats I had thrown on when I had gotten home. "I'll stall, you go get changed." She whispered, and I mouthed a thank you, sprinting away from the door and to my bedroom.

How the h**e**ll had he found where I lived?

America P.O.V

I opened the door once I could be sure Caitlin was out of sight, shaking my head and smiling.

I flipped back my hair as I took in the rather shocked looking boy.  
>"Oh, sorry, didn't see you there!" I laughed. "Thought you were someone else, ha-ha! Anyway, how can I help you, stranger?"<p>

I was far from opposed to flirting with this guy.

"Uhh..." He leaned his head in the door, and I blocked his view.

"Hellooo?" I asked, rolling my eyes, and he gave a lopsided smile, looking back at me.

Caitlin was right- he _was_ good looking.

_Very_.

Dark hair and lots of it covering one of his eyes, and dark eyes to match. He was rather short, but wore a black hoodie and jeans, no beanie like I recalled he had been wearing last night.

"Um, I think I have the wrong address...is there a Caitlin Tremmer here?"

I grinned. "There sure is, handsome, and I'm America Tanner! Why don't you come on inside, Caitlin's just in her room. Probably on fack-E-book."

He raised his eyebrows, and I giggled. "Didn't you think I remembered you from somewhere? Huge fan." I shook his hand, smiling.

"Come sit down," I said, raising my voice a tiny bit so that Caitlin could hear me. "Caitlin should be out in a second- you know how girls like to take their good time!"

Dean looked like he thought I was rather mad, and took a seat on the couch, shifting awkwardly every few seconds.

"Can I get you a drink?" I asked, and he shook his head, politely declining. "No thank you." He said, and at that moment, Caitlin came down the hall in a short leather jacket over a black tank top, and skinny jeans with converse. Damn, she looked good- I was _almost_ jealous. But my ego was big enough for me to stay cool.

"Caitlin, some guy called Dean's here." I called, and she walked in to the room.

"Oh, hi!" She said, acting surprised when she saw him.  
>Dean rose instantly.<br>"Hey." He said softly, and the just stared at each other.

So, obviously, it was my job to keep things less awkward.

"I'm gonna guess you two know each other." I said sarcastically, watching the two of them stare at each other speechless.  
>"Well, I'll be out of the way; I can tell when I'm not wanted." I rolled my eyes, and neither of them even looked at me as I left.<p>

I flipped my hair over my shoulder and grabbed my keys, struggling not to laugh as I got in to the car.

...  
>Dean P.O.V<p>

It was hard to process that I was in the house of the girl that I had somehow managed to fall in love with over night, but I was.

It smelled a bit like her- that was an odd and stalkerish thing to think- but also enough like perfume and fruity shampoo that I knew she had a roommate- America.

I didn't think I much liked her.

She seemed like a bit of a female player.

She asked if she could get me a drink, cutting off my thoughts, and I hurriedly reclined.

At that moment I heard a door open, and the light, graceful trudge of sneakers on tile.

America called out that 'some guy called Dean' was here, and I couldn't think straight enough to be annoyed at her flippancy towards the assumed angel coming down the hall.

Caitlin suddenly appeared, and my breath caught in my throat as I stood up.  
>She was <em>stunning<em>, even dressed so casually.

She was wearing a black tank top and cropped leather jacket over skinny jeans and converse- I was a s**u**cker for a girl in converse.  
>Her hair was brushed out and hung around her, and she still had in her black lip piercing in- that was cute.<p>

"Oh, hi!" She said, seemingly startled.

"Hey." I said quietly, too shocked to say much else.

America huffed from somewhere next to us, saying something about not being needed, and left.

Once I heard the door slam, Caitlin frowned.

"What are you doing here?" She asked me, folding her arms, and I rolled my eyes. "A thank you would be nice. You left your credit card in my bed."

"Oh." She said, face softening. "Thank you."

She reached out and took it, and our fingers brushed. The sensation was warm and alarming, and I looked up and met her startled brown eyes.

"Umm..." She said, at loss for words, as I was.

"Do you wanna go somewhere?" I asked suddenly, and she instantly nodded.

Reluctantly, afraid to startle her, I reached out and took her hand, that same tiny electric current racing through my palm and up my arm.

Her hand was really warm, and smooth as anything.  
>Surprisingly, she held my hand back just as firmly, and I lead her out to my car, confused as whether I should be happy that I was with her right at this moment or tragedy stricken that she had no idea how I felt.<p>

Either way, we were together at this very moment.

And that was enough for me.

For this very moment.


	4. New Feelings

**Caitlin P.O.V**  
>"I don't normally get drunk like that." I said once it was quiet in the car without looking at him, and he tried to hide his story.<p>

"Really? I do. Hey, it's okay, I believe you." He laughed when I went rigid at the thought of a stranger- a really good looking one- knowing I was an alcoholic.

"I'm a reformed addict." I said quietly, and he gave me a crooked smile.  
>"You don't have to convince me," He promised, and put his hand on mine. "You're way too beautiful to spoil yourself, and that's enough logic in its own." He moved his hand away suddenly as if he suddenly realised where it was.<p>

He switched on the radio to make it a tiny bit less awkward (not that it worked too well) and we sat in silence listening to Panic! At The Disco softly.

"You like Brendon Urie?" I asked, raising my eyebrows, and he nodded. "Yep. Favourite band...what about you?"  
>I pursed my lips. "Well...I like a lot of music, I guess. But yeah, I love this band...and especially this song." He smiled at me. The song was Memories.<p>

Dean stopped the car, pulling up to a parking lot. I raised an eyebrow, but he just shrugged and came around to open my door for me. I gave a quizzical smile and let him help me out, laughing when he bowed.

He led me inside to a cafe, and we ordered lunch. He gave me my credit card back after we ordered, and I poked my tongue out at his refusal to have let me pay. "When did you get this?" I asked, and he grinned. "The magician never reveals his secret...but I took it from your back pocket."

I laughed. "You, sir, are an evil genius. You remind me of...is it too weird to say you remind me of my brother?"  
>"A little bit, yeah."<br>I smiled. "He used to show me magic tricks and stuff like that when I was little. Plus he was crazy and...I dunno, goofy? Like you."  
>Dean laughed. "What a <em>great<em> word used to describe me here, thanks, I'm flattered."  
>I rolled my eyes. "You should be flattered. Peter is...Peter's dead."<p>

His smile dropped, and he grabbed my hand. "Hey, I'm sorry Caitlin. I didn't know…"  
>"It's fine." I said, but my voice was edgy. Dean leaned forward in his seat and cupped my cheek with his hand, making me look up at him.<br>"Do you wanna tell me about it?" He asked, and I shook my head gently.  
>"That's okay." Dean said gently, letting go of my face and sitting back down. I touched my cheek where he had held me. It tingled where his fingers had been, and left an unpleasant cold in its wake.<p>

"So you're in a band, huh?" I asked, grinning.  
>Dean sheepishly smiled back. "Uh, yeah. I'm a drummer."<br>"I know." I told him. "You're good."  
>He flashed his teeth in a grin, and my heart thumped. "Thanks."<p>

"So what do you do?"  
>"Hmm? Oh, uh, I play bass, drums, and occasionally sing. But I'm very shy on stage." I laughed, and Dean seemed rather shocked. "Bass player? That's hot. Not that- I mean, I meant...Uhh..." I laughed when he flustered to correct himself.<br>"I'm in a band with America and my friend Amanda." I mumbled, and he nodded, obviously intrigued. "What's the band's name?"

"Those Randoms." I said, and he laughed.  
>"Cool. Can I...see you play some time?"<p>

I froze for a second.

Oh my god what?

Then I found my brain again and nodded, mustering a small smile. "Sure."

We finished our meals, and got back in the car. I was a little sad to be going home- away from him. Damn that sounded lame- but I didn't care. I felt so much better with Dean. He made me laugh, smile...wonder. I could always wonder where things were going with him. And I think there was a good chance I was in love with him, even after two days.

That _did_ sound stupid and gooey and cheesy. I didn't give a damn, though. I didn't really care about much right now. I had just managed to admit Peter's death to a person I barely knew without breaking down. That was a big step for me, especially considering how he'd died.

"Hey, you missed the turn off." I told him, and he smiled.  
>"No I didn't."<p>

Soon enough we were parked in front of a big white building, and I looked at him in confusion.

He rolled his eyes and grabbed my hand, helping me out of the car again. "You'd think someone would learn how to get out of a car after a while."  
>I bit my lip. "You know, this seems dangerously familiar...like my favourite horror movie. I don't make it to the sequel."<p>

He laughed. "Well then, I won't either."

He didn't let go of my hand as we walked around, and I didn't want him to.  
>"Hey, can I ask you something?"<br>"Sure."  
>I frowned. "How the hell did you know where I lived?"<p>

He didn't look at me, chewing his lip timidly.  
>"Dean?"<br>He sighed. "I looked in to your credit card details, okay?"  
>I stopped and placed my hands on my hips. "You looked in to my details?"<br>He nodded sheepishly, and to his surprise I burst out laughing. "Normally I'd feel invaded, but, well, that's so sweet. You went through all of that to give me back my card?"  
>Heb shrugged, still not looking at me. "And to see you."<p>

I grabbed his hand again, and he looked at me in shock. "You found me," I said quietly, smiling. "Why didn't you just spend the money off of the credit card? No one would have stopped you."

He looked at me like I was crazy. "Why would I ever do that to you?"

"Because I've had it done to me before."

He stopped and looked me in the eye. "Hey, Caitlin, you need to understand that I would never hurt you, okay? I understand that obviously you've been hurt before," I had. "But I will _never_ hurt you, ever. Okay?" I nodded gently, and smiled. "You said will that time."  
>"And?"<br>"And in that tense it would mean we'll be seeing each other again."  
>Dean grinned. "Will that be a problem?"<p>

I shook my head fiercely, and he chuckled. "Good, because I'm not letting you go anywhere."

I turned to look at where we were, and gasped.

"I thought you'd like it here," He said, and we started walking hand in hand towards the building again. "Who _doesn't_ love the carnival?"


End file.
